If you were to ask me what my religion is, I would respond "I believe in nothing." Now when I say that, I don't mean to imply I have no convictions or no moral core, I only mean that my theological foundations in my younger years are so skewered that I'm not at all sure what exactly I believe in. And I mean that in every way possible that you could think of. The history of myths branch out everywhere and throughout all forms of literature that it's impossible for me to declare that it is undeniable that the power of myths and embellishment didn't transfer itself into the biblical narrative. And for us to say that the stories the Bible are 100 percent true, knowing for a fact that it was written in a time period that valued the importance of a moralized story, is a tall tale I just can't subscribe to.
And the people within the Church I grew up in continually live with the deluded belief that the Bible, in every way possible is a document that tells us nothing false, contains no fiction, that it was untouched by human hands and meddling. They treat the Bible as if it's this book of rules, of laws, given to us so we might know what we can and cannot do. A piece of literature which sole purpose is to show us what our limitations are, and what behavior is acceptable in order for us to be allowed into Heaven. I was taught the Bible is a book that tells us the absolute truth, and that if you read it correctly, if you read it the way it was meant to be read, if you read it with the love of God in your heart, you will know it's true meaning and what it requires of you as a Christian.
I honestly feel that this view of the Bible is an absurdity.
As I educated myself, as I grew more and more as adult, as I sought more knowledge to help me better understand the Bible and it's teachings I came to one fundamental and undeniable truth....people are stupid!
Last year I told something to someone who now views me as a lost soul. We were talking about the issue of women in leadership roles in the church. I told him (as well as everyone else in the room) this..."how can we claim that the people within the first few centuries of the world were right? It was a time filled with patriotic bastards that had no more respect for women than we do for the feces we flush down the toilet into the sewer on a daily basis" They continually make claims that they have this monopoly on the truth, and they constantly deny what is most obvious....that their lives resemble absolutely nothing of the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th (and so on and so forth) centuries of the world. Why does the Church of Christ (and any church for that matter) constantly operate under the belief that they have it all right?
The truth is something that the Church of Christ attempted to drill into my head as early as age zero. They attempted to use FEAR as a way of showing me that I need to become a Christian ASAP. "God has no patience for sin" another fear tactic. Fear was used on me to convince me I should become Christian. It's the truth that I fear me most, The truth that the Church of Christ (or any church with a closed minded view of the Bible) wants all of its members (and the rest of the world for that matter) to believe in. It's that concept of "truth" that continually digs in whacks itself into my brain. Trying to find the "truth" is the most important and vital thing that the adults want their youth to learn in the Church of Christ.
I feel I was pressured more into becoming a Christian first, and than after that very "happy" event occurs, I learn about what a Christian is. Going about things in this manner seem quite backwards. We never allow someone to run for President until they have reached a certain level experience. We never allow someone to receive a job unless we know they have the qualifications necessary. We never allow people into our home unless we know that they are not concerned with hurting us. We are such a nation of people who want to be certain of people before we we accept them. But when it comes to becoming a Christian, no no no, you need to become one first, then you learn about it!
The CoC has so very little value on educating our young first and allowing them to come to the decision of what they should do with their religious lives. They pressure them so hard that we ultimately scare them into becoming something they do not truly understand. And then once they are "Christian" they continually live in ignorance that they are living a Christian life because of the Mere fact that they are members of the "One True Church.".......I know this because I grew up this way.
Now I don't mean to say my childhood was by any means bad, I just acknowledge that the religious part of my life has been so very conflicting and misguided. My parents did their very best to keep my head level as possible. But everyone else in my early religious life continually used fear to teach me and to accept teachings I did not understand or comprehend. And to see how the Church of Christ continually teaches, knowing what I do now of myself, of history, and of the value of a good story, it makes me sad and scared at the same time. To know that their are young people within this church that grew up with the deluded and misguided ideas of what the Bible is, and to know that their will be some that end up like me, not sure of anything as far as religion goes, and ultimately come to the same realization I have come to....that I no longer believe in one truth, truly does make me wonder about so much in my religious upbringing . I no longer believe in absolutes, or unaltered history or a perfect religion. And because of this declaration of myself, I am in the eyes of many church of Christ people, a lost soul.
It makes me very sad....
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